Sun
glistening off the water,
Bronzed
bodies gathered in groups…
Waves
crashing, churning, encroaching…
Calling,
calling, calling to me
Excitedly
striding into the ocean,
Negotiating
ruts, channels carved out by the waves,
Warm,
swirling water, inviting.
Calling,
calling, calling to me
Crash
upon crash as the waves descend on me
As
interminably as the pull of the moon on the tide,
Sand
loaded, powerful and undulating
Calling,
calling, calling to me
Brutal,
ruthless and oscillating,
Churning,
unyielding and fierce,
Like
a rag doll, tossed and tumbled
Calling,
calling, calling to me
Upended,
twisted and battered
Pummeling
head first again and again
Ferocious,
unceasing, endlessly pounding
Calling,
calling, calling to me
Gasping
and gagging, sneezing and snuffling,
Incessantly
challenged and spurned,
Beaten,
exhausted, shattered
Releasing, releasing, releasing me….
Releasing, releasing, releasing me….
Today's #28daysofwriting is my first attempt at a poetic piece in a very long time. I would love some feedback and feedforward to ensure that as I persevere with this genre, I am acting on sound advice... Thanks in antcipation.
Can you feel the hammering I took?
What words add to the scene?
What detract from the scene?
Wow! Anne, that's fantastic. I am by no means a poet but I could well imagine the hammering you took! Words like brutal and unyielding create a really clear picture. Nice job.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me that's not Dunedin......if it is, you are having much better weather on Waitangi Day than Otautahi!
Happy Waitangi Day either way!
Oh Bridget, Thanks so much for visiting and taking the time to comment. I have just had a spa to try to realign my spine... Fear is the only word to describe how it really felt out there... No, I am definitely not in Dunedin, relaxing on the sunshine coast, celebrating 30 years of marriage... Just about to head off on a sunset cruise which hopefully will be the subject of my writing tomorrow!
DeleteThanks again
Anne K
Definitely felt the movement and ferocity of the waves, Anne. Could imagine exactly how it was. I am no poet so can't offer any technical comments but as a reader it certainly "feel" your emotion and experience. Love it.
ReplyDeleteHi Anne, and thanks so much for the comment. It feels really funny putting my words out there.. but loving the #28daysofwriting challenge. I followed your adventures with great enthusiasm over the summer.
DeleteThanks again
Anne K
That brings back childhood memories at Piha and Mount Maungaui! Reliving the motion of being caught in the turbulent wave and feet knocked out from under me! Enjoy the swimming pool! :P
ReplyDeleteThanks Claire, It sure was a pummelling surf. Spent yesterday at Noosa beach being gently bobbed about - surreal contrast! Great to be following your journey via twitter. Have a MAGIC day tomorrow.
DeleteAK